Friday, June 19, 2009


I wake up to Howard Cosell and Mel Allen discussing my blog on the top 5 bad boys gone bad. I sit up to see my wife and my little 8 month old son in their throwback "Ice Man" jerseys ready to serve me breakfast in bed. As I wipe the gravy from my chin (biscuits and gravy can be messy), I glance at the sports section of the newspaper to see the following headline: "Larsen pitches perfect game in world series while Wilt Chamberlain scores 100 points." I turn to the box scores and scan at the amazing feats:

Philadelphia Warriors 169, New York Knickerbockers 147
Wilt Chamberlain C 36 63 28 32 100

New York Yankees
Larsen W (1-0) 9 0 0 0 0 7

I put the paper down, take my shower and get into my 1989 George Brett throwback jersey and prepare for the rest of my day.

My wife has set up a tee time for 9:00 so I have plenty of time to get my golf bag together. As I dig through the pockets of my Al Czervik Caddyshack golf bag I find a near-mint 1909 T-206 Honus Wagner card.

Cool, just what I have always wanted.

So I put the card in the spokes of my vintage Diamondback bike and head off to the course.

I reach the course at about 8:30 and have time to hit a bucket of balls and get a little putting in because I know that Augusta National will most likely play to about a 75 today so I better be on top of my game. When I get to the first tee, I find out that my playing partners have already foot the bill for my round, caddie and cart so the day is off to a good start. Tiger tees off first and hits it about 320 down the right side while Arnie and Jack take the left approach. I choose to play a slight draw and poke it out about 300. I shoot 69 on the day and Tiger and I take the old guys in our Nassua for $100. I then make sure to have my scorers sign my card (which I find out is the low for the day and I win a pair of Air Jordans).

I head back home to play catch with my boy which soon turns into a classic wiffle ball game. I beat my son by a run (since he is only 8 months) but I am more proud when my son pulls out his APBA football game. We play a couple of quick games, replicating the great Super Bowls of 1980's. After a couple of rounds of NFL Strategy and Electric Football we pack it up for dinner.

For dinner my wife has reserved a spot in the Clubhouse at Churchill Downs. It seems that the Kentucky Derby has been pushed back to Father's Day to accommodate me of all people. I put $100 to win on Alysheba and watch one of the greatest Kentucky Derbys of all time.

After dinner my buddies and I have just enough time to catch the last 2 minutes game 7 of the 1984 NBA finals between the Lakers and Celtics. We sneak down to center court and watch:

We join in the celebration and I pat Bird and Magic on the back before heading home.

As my ideal Father's Day winds down, we sit down as a family to watch some classic movies. We lead off with "Rudy" so my son can see that you can achieve anything through hard work. Then we follow it up with "Hoosiers" so my son can see that coaches are jerks and parents are overbearing. And we end the evening by watching "The Bad News Bears" where my son learns his most important lesson of all; a man is only as good as the women around him.

I fall asleep at about midnight on the couch while Retro Sports Talk radio's Chris Berman does his fastest 2 minutes in the history of sports and discusses my ideal retro Father's Day.

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